afflicted but NOT crushed!

So this last week has been a little up and down…more down than up….if only the nature walks I go on are more like that!!…Anyway, there has been nothing specific that has made it difficult, just feeling a bit homesick and finding the spanish challenging!….but thankfully I have a teacher who is patient!….towards the end of last week I was really questioning why I am here…those who know my journey, know that it is without doubt, God’s plan for me, but when in the thick of it and everything is so difficult because of the language,and I am so tired all the time it is really hard to work out how on earth I will be of any use to anyone, and really just wanted to come home!…I went to church on Sunday with a bit of a heavy heart, wondering what the point was, as I would not understand anything and it would  just lead to frustration, but I prayed during the worship that God would speak to me during the preach, even through my limited spanish…..and He did!!…No i did not suddenly become fluent in spanish ( still waiting for that miracle!!!), but i was able to understand that the preacher was talking about the peace of God!…and the scriptures he used included Romans 5 v1: ‘Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ’; Philippians 4 v 7: And the peace of  God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”;2 Corinthinthians 4v8 ‘We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed, perplexed but not driven to despair’. There were more scriptures, but these really stood out for me!…particularly the last one…as I do feel crushed, and driven to despair but i know that is not the truth!..as I am still here alive and well ( no idea how, with some of the bus rides i have experienced!)….and it helped me to realise that the peace of God is with me…it is just I have a tendency to go on my feelings sometimes more than the truth!..it has taken a few ‘freedom’ courses for me to learn to not go on my feelings..yet i still do it at times! ( note to self: sort it out!!!). So after this wonderful revelation I would love to say everything is hunkydory, and i wake up, leap out of bed and have a wonderful spring in my step as i walk, but alas, this is not the case…but what I do have is the peace of God, that surpasses all understanding, and the knowledge that I am in the place that God wants me to be at this time, therefore, in the words of D:ream…’things can only get better’…I have hope that altho I am afflicted i am not crushed, and that altho i am perplexed ( a lot!!!), i am not driven to depair!…..sadly the same can not be said for my teacher!…please pray for her!!

no hablo espanol!!!

So, I have been in Cusco for nearly 2 weeks!!..the first week was mainly getting used to the altitude, which on the whole, has been generally ok for me….i still get very breathless going up stairs and hills and feel like i am gonna pass out, no different to at home really!!…the good thing is, here i have an excuse!!

I started language school on Monday, and by Wednesday I realised i am never gonna be able to speak Spanish!!… After my lesson on Wednesday, i felt so deflated cos I am by far the worst in my class and i just felt like a complete failure!…and as I sat on the bus on the way home, i began to cry..and then, when i thought it could not get any worse…Lionel Ritchie’s ‘say you, say me’ comes on the radio…and I kid you not..this is what went through my head…’well i can say ‘you’ and i can say ‘me’ in spanish and that is about it’!!…i then cried some more!….On reflection, I realise i was possibly a little over tired at this point!!

 

Today, however, has been much more positive!….I actually understood most of the lesson today…Praise God!!…I prayed loads this morning and en route to the lesson that I would work in God’s strength and not my own and everytime I struggled in the lesson I just looked to God and I genuinely felt a renewed strength…that said, I am not quite fluent just yet!!!….but better than I was yesterday!!….I did consider changing my prayer to ask that God give all Peruvians fluency in english….but I have a feeling that will fall on deaf ears!!!

Well, it is 4 weeks ago that I left good ole blighty and here are a few things I am missing….central heating ( it gets sooo cold here at night!), chocolate ( of the cadbury’s variety!), long hot showers, the Chris Moyles show, Vivo cafe, carpet, and being able to get into my car instead of a 15-seater minibus full of approximatley 30 people!…Having said that,…here is what I love about being in Peru…the fact that they think it is ok to cram 30+ people into a 15 seater minibus!!, no chocolate ( really will not do me any harm!), the lovely warm, thick blankets!, the peruvian people, being with Jenny, Roland, Sammy and Ben, the ‘Meeting Place’ ( my new Vivo cafe!) and most importantly, my increased dependance on God, and His blessings that I am receiving while here!! Praise God!!!